You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
