I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
They took my balls.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
