Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
