What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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