It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
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I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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