Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
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