You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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