Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
