Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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