Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
