yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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