You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
