You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
