Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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