so that wasnt chicken after all
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
