I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
