some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
