either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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