when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
There r osticjed everywhere
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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