So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
