I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
smell my finger.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
