just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
