I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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