im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.