there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.