We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole