____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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