I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand