Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(949): View more from California

I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.

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(904): View more from Florida

after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB

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(402): View more from Nebraska

I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha

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Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Read it at the TFLN blog
(760): View more from California

I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico

(760): View more from California

You can wake up to my rainbow of failure

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(325): View more from Texas

She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.

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(306): View more from Saskatchewan

the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!

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(601): View more from Mississippi

Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer

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(587): View more from Alberta

My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.

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