She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
