i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
