Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
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I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
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