called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
