nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
