What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
