If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
