His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
