while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize