Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
