Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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