i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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