Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
