It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
