Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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