I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
