That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
