so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
