I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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