haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
