like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
