dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
