I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
