You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
