he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
