I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
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there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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