He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
