Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
