i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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