I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
