You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
