atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
