Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
