Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
