Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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