omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize