yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Randomize
