So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Randomize
