This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I just want nice things and good sex
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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