Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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