did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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