xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Randomize
