forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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