but the lizard people decide everything anyway
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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