If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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